This is not a new concept, but I feel that I can give some tweaks to the sports fan rule book. There are just certain unspoken things you can or cannot do when you choose to get involved in enjoying sports. This list will help those who don’t quite “get it” or are just dipping your toe into the pool of misery and distress that comes when watching sports. I am splitting these rules up into sections, because i’m organized like that. Good luck to you all and enjoy this week’s set of rules:
Live Sporting Events
–Do not wear a jersey/t-shirt/hat for a team that is not even participating in the game. I understand fringe sports fans think that if they are going to a “baseball” game they can wear anything “baseball related”, but this is not true. It is better to just wear the same color as one of the teams, or just be that guy who looks out of place. You are however allowed to wear the gear for a team from the same city. (Ex. Wearing a Caps shirt to a Nats game)
Cowboys fans at Redskins vs. Falcons game this year
–Don’t get up 20 times a game. I understand that when the time comes the bathroom is needed, and sometimes you just want to get a hot dog, but make sure you conserve your trips and only go when necessary or in the right situations. People are paying a lot of money to watch their teams, they don’t need you making them get up and have your butt smashing into their face every inning. Take advantage of the concessions people walking among the stands.
Acceptable times to leave your seat:
-In between innings/periods/quarters
-Pitching changes/long substitutions
-Timeouts
-Emergencies
-Don’t be annoying. Cheer loud and proud, but understand that there is a fine line between cheering and drunken rants. Also, if you are not rooting for the home team that’s fine, just try to blend in a little bit. No need to piss of everybody in your row because you are standing and cheering after their best player strikes out. We get it…you’re from New York…you like the Yankees….no one cares…
-BE ON TIME. Listen, there will always be factors that keep you from getting places on time. Metro delays, traffic, etc. But do your best to not be those people who show up halfway through the game dressed to the nines. Miami Heat fans are notorious for this, apparently its not “cool” to be on time for them. Its a sports game, not a club.
-Don’t leave the stadium early. Again, there are definite exceptions to this rule: flights to catch, sickness, blah blah blah. Unless you have a good reason, don’t pack up and get out early. Doesn’t matter if the score is 10-9 or 30-5 crazy things can happen at the end of games, and you won’t want to ever say the phrase, “Damn, if only I had stayed…”
-Don’t take your shirt off…please. See picture below…
Don’t text the entire time. We get it, you hate basketball but your family dragged you along to an NBA game. Instead of watching you text your friends: “LOL Basketball is so dumb I hate this…” Please keep in mind your parents paid for your ticket, watch the f’ing game. Your opinion of the sports may change if you witness a Blake Griffin dunk or a game-winning three.
If you lucky enough to have seats behind home plate, don’t wave at the camera. “HEY! TURN ON THE GAME! ITS ME! YEA. I’M THE ONE WAVING! I KNOW. SO AWESOME. CALL GRANDMA, I’LL KEEP WAVING UNTIL SHE TURNS IT ON! HAHA EVERYBODY KEEPS TELLING ME TO STOP. WOOOOOO!”
Boo loud and proud. There is nothing better then joining the rest of the home crowd as they boo a member of the opposition. That mob mentality. Also, don’t be afraid to sprinkle in some colorful language or insults.
If you have any other ideas feel free to let me know. Enjoy yourself at these games, live sports are awesome. Just remember its not all about you. More Rule Book entries are coming at ya next week: Team Fan Edition